You work hard. You’ve built a life that looks good from the outside.
But inside? You feel lonely, disconnected, and tired of pretending.
You want to feel love.
But every time someone gets too close… you push them away.
You might pick a fight, pull back, or get busy again—just to feel in control.
Sound familiar?
In this episode, we’ll talk about:
✔ Why love feels risky for women who’ve learned to be strong
✔ The quiet ways you shut people out, even when you want closeness
✔ How to gently let yourself feel love again—without losing yourself
🚫You don’t have to be guarded forever.
🚫You don’t have to stay in survival mode.
🚫You don’t have to do this alone.
Let’s take one small step toward real, safe love—together.
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Why You Push Away Love—And How To Finally Let It In
Have you ever looked at your life and thought, “I should be happy, but why do I feel so empty?” From the outside, everything looks perfect. You’ve built success, worked hard, and created a life that should feel fulfilling. Inside, something is missing. You crave connection, but when someone gets too close, you push them away.
You want love, but at the same time, it makes you feel out of control. You want to feel powerful, wanted, deeply desired, and deeply loved, but without feeling weak or exposed, so you stay guarded. You focus on what you can control, which is your work, your body, and your success. Yet, deep down, you wonder, “Why can’t I let love in? Why do I push away the very people who care about me? Why can’t I be fun?”
If those questions sound familiar, this episode is for you because we are going to talk about why you push people away even and when you want love, how this pattern started, why it feels impossible to stop, and most importantly, how to break free so you can finally have the connection, love, and power you truly deserve.
Let’s understand why people push people they love away. You’re not pushing people away because you don’t want love. You are pushing them away because love feels like a risk. Somewhere deep inside, there’s a voice that whispers, “What if I get hurt? What if they leave me? What if they betray me? What if they see the real me and don’t love me anymore? What if I lose myself in the process?”
Instead of letting love in, you stay in control. You don’t want to expect anything anymore, and you put up the walls. You keep things surface level. You might keep your partner at a distance, avoiding deep conversations, rolling your eyes when they get too emotional, or shutting down when they try to connect. You may stay busy by focusing on success instead of feelings because work achievements and looking good feel safer than vulnerability.
You may also get moody and withdrawn. One minute, you are craving love. The next minute, you are rejecting it, criticizing instead of connecting, nitpicking, getting annoyed, or feeling like no one is ever quite good enough for you. Sounds familiar? I knew it. Some people came to me with this problem. Even if it’s familiar, remember, you’re not broken. You don’t know how to open your heart yet. You are protecting yourself because somewhere along the way, you learned that love means losing control.
The Root Of The Pattern: Childhood & Cultural Conditioning
Here’s the truth that I want to share with you. Love isn’t something you earn by being perfect. Love is something you allow by being real. Many ask me, “Where did this pattern start?” Think back. Somewhere in your life, you got the message that being vulnerable means being weak. A few months ago, during our Egypt trip, our senior healer was a man. When we did the hard practice, he encouraged us by saying, “Be strong. Don’t be a pussy.”
After the practice, Silver asked me if I had thoughts during the practice. He knew I was against that word. When someone says pussy, that means weakness. That’s how women unconsciously reject their feminine power and start mimicking the masculine to look strong. That was only one story. There are many stories around weakness, such as, “Don’t cry. It’s embarrassing. You are so weak. You cry only because of such a simple thing. Stop it.” That’s worse.
You're not pushing people away because you don't want love—you're pushing them away because love feels like a risk. Share on XI once fell in love with a guy who shuts down whenever I show my emotions. His reaction made me feel bad about having my emotions and feeling wrong for opening up and being vulnerable. I didn’t realize and decided to step back from going further into the relationship with him. Some other story, maybe like me, you had to prove yourself growing up.
I grew up having 3 sisters and 1 brother. Unconsciously, everyone is trying to get the attention from our parents, showing that we are smart, capable, and deserve more love than our other siblings. Maybe love feels conditional. It was only given when you were good enough, pretty enough, or successful enough. You may feel that people around you love you more when you achieve something, or maybe when you look beautiful or cool. That’s how society is.
Look around. How many true friends does someone have, the one that sticks in the up and down moments? Not so many. How do I know this? This is quite a sad story that I have. A while ago, I had a quite famous lady who came to my call after the masterclass. I asked her, “What makes you feel lonely? I saw on your social media that you look amazing and you have so many friends.”
Saying 'I love you' and loving unconditionally are two very different things. Share on XShe shared with me, “Sylvia, it’s only for the post. I don’t have real friends. We are backstabbing each other or doing the perspective of ladies out there,” which is that when someone is not around, they will start to talk badly about other people. That’s the concept that I share with my We Love Circle ladies. We do positive gossiping, which is sharing love and kindness through words. I always share that love through action is difficult, and that whatever you put outside, the words can heal you or kill you. Always be careful with what you share with others.
How many friends will come when you are successful? Some ladies are so afraid to be successful because they will lose some friends. Maybe you also heard things like, “Don’t be so emotional. No one likes a needy woman. Strong women don’t need anyone.” That’s the wrong concept about the empowered woman. You adapt to it. You become strong. You become self-sufficient.
The Mask Of Strength & The Fear Of Connection
Strength doesn’t mean shutting down. Strength means knowing when to open up. I know it’s easier said than done. Saying, “I love you,” and doing love unconditionally is a different thing. As an adult, the idea of fully trusting someone makes you feel out of control. You love the idea of connection, but when it happens, it feels too much. You pull away, create distance, and tell yourself, “I’m fine on my own.” If that were true, why do you feel so lonely? It’s because deep down, you don’t just want love. You want self-love, love that doesn’t take away your power.
Real power isn’t about pushing people away—it’s about choosing who you let in. Share on XThat’s why I want to share the steps with you to break the cycle. The first one is to notice when you are putting up walls. Every time you start pulling away from someone who loves you, ask yourself, “What am I afraid will happen if I let them in? Is this about them, or am I protecting myself from fears?” Awareness is the first step to change. After that, try to practice controlled vulnerability. You don’t have to wake up tomorrow and spill your heart out. Start small. Try one of these things. Share something honest with your husband, even if it’s like, “I feel so happy today,” or maybe, “I feel sad today.” Share those little moments without explaining too much.
Let yourself receive love. Don’t brush it off. When he compliments you, say, “Thank you,” and ask for something you need. I know it’s hard, but you probably need a hug. Ask, “Can you hug me right now? Can you give me the space today? Can you support me on this?” Whatever it is, practice using your voice. The more you do this, the safer love will start to feel.
Redefining Power & Choosing Connection
You may also want to redefine what power means. If you’ve been raised to believe that power means control, it’s time to rewire that belief. Real power isn’t about pushing people away. Real power is about choosing who you let in. It’s about knowing you can be soft and strong at the same time. It’s about realizing that love doesn’t make you weaker. It makes you whole.
What happens next? You have two choices. The first one is you can keep running, keep building walls, keep pushing people away, and keep convincing yourself that you are fine alone, or you can try something different. You can start choosing connection over control, love over fear, and trust over distance. Which one do you want more?
Here’s the thing. Love isn’t about finding someone perfect. It’s about being real enough to let the right person truly see you. That starts as soon as you say yes to it. If you are serious about creating the connection you deserve, you can pick one small way to let love in. Maybe it’s a conversation. Maybe it’s a small moment of honesty. Maybe it’s allowing yourself to feel love without pushing it away. You are strong. You are powerful in your femininity or feminine power. You are worthy of love that feels safe, deep, and real. If this resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to read it. Until then, I’ll see you in the next episode.
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