Have you ever wondered, “Why don’t I feel love like everyone else does?”
Maybe connection feels hard. Maybe love feels too big, too scary, or just far away.
You’ve been through things. Maybe you had to stay strong too early. Maybe love felt unsafe when you were young. So now, it’s easier to stay guarded—even when deep down, you want to feel close.
In today’s episode, I’ll walk you through:
✔ Why you built emotional walls (and how they helped you at the time)
✔ How to start letting love in—slowly, safely, and in your own way
✔ How to stop comparing how you love to others
✔ How to receive love without guilt or fear
Love is not missing from your life. Love is inside you—it’s just waiting for you to feel safe enough to open the door.
Let’s take one small step together today.
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Watch the episode here
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What If Love Feels Different For Me? Letting Love In Your Own Way
Why Love Feels Different For You
In this episode, we are going to talk about why love might feel different for you, why connection can be hard, and most importantly, how you can start feeling love in the way that makes sense for you. There’s a reason why love has always felt confusing, distant, or even impossible. It’s not because you are broken. It’s not because you are incapable of love. It’s because of how you learn to give and receive love.
If you grow up feeling like love was conditional, you might be growing up like me, feeling that you have to be smart, achieve, and do so much to get approval and to be loved. If your experiences make love feel unsafe, then your brain learns something. Love means vulnerability, and vulnerability feels risky. What people usually do when they feel that opening their hearts feels risky is to protect themselves. They build walls, stay in control, and make sure no one can hurt them. At first, that worked, but those same walls that once kept them safe are keeping love out. That’s why love feels different for you.
The good news is, if I can change this, you can do it, too. You can learn how to let love in without losing yourself, and I’m going to show you how to do that. I’ll share something that might sound strange, but it was quite a struggle in my teenage years. Some of you may know, or not, that I grew up in a small town on Flores Island, Indonesia, where the majority are Catholic. I went through Catholic schools. In our schools, we often had retreats outside the city.
Many times, when we went through the forgiveness of our parents or another practice, I saw many friends crying, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want teachers to think that my parents were bad. If I cry, it means they did something bad to me. I was caught up in my head, holding onto my fear of judgment, and blocking my heart from receiving healing and love. I was too busy thinking about other people’s opinions. Without realizing it, I was holding myself back from understanding and connecting with myself more deeply. I was unconsciously avoiding seeing what I needed to let go of.
I’m so lucky that I came to this healing journey, and I lived to be my authentic self with a loving, kind intention and without being afraid of people’s judgment. Healing doesn’t mean you are broken. It’s the tool to awaken your awareness to reclaim your presence. If you are used to shutting love out, the idea of letting it in can feel terrifying. Feeling love doesn’t mean losing control. It doesn’t mean tearing all your walls down overnight. Sometimes, it means making space.
Three Ways To Experience Love On Your Own Terms
Here are three things you can start doing to experience love in a way that feels natural and safe for you. The first one is to start small. Love is in the little moments. A lot of people think love should feel huge all the time, like fireworks, passion, or some magical, deep knowing that someone is your one and only. That’s the Hollywood version of love. Real love starts small.
Love is an endless skill. It’s built in tiny everyday moments. Instead of forcing yourself to feel big emotions, start with something simple. Let yourself appreciate someone. Notice when someone makes an effort for you, and allow yourself to feel one moment of connection without brushing it off. Love isn’t just a feeling. Love is something you build.
The second thing that you might want to try is to stop judging how you experience love. Many people who come to me are judging and are too much in their heads. They are thinking about the feeling, and then thinking through it. Feel it in your heart. One of the biggest reasons you might feel disconnected from love is that you’re comparing yourself to others. You think, “They feel love like this. Why don’t I?”
Those same walls that once kept you safe are keeping love out. Share on XLove doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some people feel love through deep conversations. Some feel it through actions, like when someone helps them or takes care of them. Some feel it in quiet moments and not in grand, romantic gestures. I feel love when I’m outside because I love nature. I love to breathe the fresh air and then listen to the birds chirping. That feels magical for me. Every day, I do that, and it makes me feel so in love with life and in love with this greatest gift that God gives me every day, every moment.
Find yours. It’s supposed to be yours only. You don’t have to feel the same way as other people. Instead of asking, “Why don’t I feel love like them?” you can try to ask, “Why do I feel this way? When do I feel safest with someone? What kind of connection makes me feel warm inside? When have I felt truly close to someone, even if I didn’t call it love?” Love is already there. It’s here. It’s within you. You are not wrong for wanting to feel love in your own way. Own it. Honor it. It’s yours.
The third thing that you may want to try is to practice receiving love. It probably feels uncomfortable for many ladies out there, especially the high achievers who are so independent. I know it’s hard. I learned it also. It feels uncomfortable in the beginning. I know that many people who struggle with love don’t struggle to give it. They’re struggling to receive it. That is why so many people are pleasers in this world. They sacrifice their own needs and do not know the difference between being kind and being manipulated.
Reflect on these questions. When someone compliments you, do you brush it off? When someone does something nice for you, do you feel uncomfortable? When someone expresses love, do you shut down or change the subject? That’s your wall. If you want to start feeling love more deeply, you have to practice letting it in.
Many people who struggle with love don't actually struggle to give it; they're struggling to receive it. Share on XThis week, you can try this. The next time someone does something kind for you, pause and take a deep breath. Let yourself feel a little gratitude. Even if it’s uncomfortable, receive it by saying, “Thank you.” That’s it. No explanation. Try it, because the more you practice receiving, the more your heart learns that love is safe. Once you believe that love is safe, you will start seeing the miracle of love. This is it.
Love In Your Own Way
There are so many kind people around you. You will see that there are so many people who love you and are willing to help you and support you, even strangers. Many opportunities will come in. You may have a story about love. It might sound like, “I don’t love the way other people do. Love is for other people, not for me. I’ll never feel it the way I should.” If it’s not the story that will help you to open your heart, let go. You don’t have to feel the same way as others. You feel love in your own way. Maybe connect in your own way as well. That’s why it’s as real and as valid as anyone else’s.
Start now. I want to invite you to tell yourself, “Love is something I can experience in my own way. I don’t have to feel it like everyone else for it to be real. I’m capable of deep, meaningful love,” because you are. You are capable. Believe it. Believe that you are capable of having that deep and meaningful love. Once you start believing that everything changes, love will start to feel different and so much better.
Before we end this episode, I want to leave you with one challenge. Practice noticing love in your own way. Notice when you feel safe. Notice when you feel cared for. Notice the small ways love shows up in your own life because love isn’t missing from your life. Love is within you. You have to learn how to let yourself feel it. If you are ready to go deeper, I’m here to help. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. That’s it for this episode. I’ll see you in the next episode.
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