Your child comes home quiet.
Or angry.
Or confused.
And something inside you whispers, “What’s wrong?”
This episode is for the moms who feel that quiet worry.
Who want their kids to grow up confident, kind, and unshakable—even in a world that feels overwhelming.
In today’s story, I’ll share what happened when my son Patrick was bullied—twice—and how we helped him grow stronger, not colder. I’ll tell you how childhood wounds show up in parenting… and how you can shift that story with calm, courage, and grace.
We’ll go deep into:
✔ Why kids shut down or stay silent
✔ How to build emotional strength without pressure
✔ What to say when they feel rejected or scared
✔ How to deal with rude behavior, screen time, and school drama
✔ The quiet power of teaching through your actions, not just your words
✔ And most of all—how to raise kids who believe: “I am safe. I am strong. And I am loved.”
This is not about being the perfect mom.
It’s about becoming a more present one.
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How To Raise Brave, Confident Kids In A Tough World—Without The Pressure
Building Confidence Through Compassion & Support
My love, I want to share some lessons I have learned along my journey as a mom, especially when my son Patrick experienced bullying in school, and how he stood up for himself, and he could stay friendly with those friends who seemed bad and tried to hurt him. Talking about bullies is hard, especially when your child has ever come home sad, avoided going to school, or said something like, “They don’t like me.” It breaks your heart.
As parents, our job isn’t just to protect, it’s also to prepare. Silver, my husband, and I are aware that a part of what made Patrick attracted to bullies when he was younger was a part of Silver’s childhood traumas. He grew up without a father, and because of those bullies, he pushed himself to be stronger and prove to everyone that he’s a smart boy. Somehow, he managed to stop the bullies back then, but obviously, his unconscious mind still carried the pain until he did his inner childhood healing.
He had truly let go of the bully story when Patrick was around four. It’s scary to witness how sometimes our kids experience the same story as we did when we were little kids, and how we unconsciously pass down the traumas. This is why to this day we both keep working on ourselves, learning to let go, forgive, and love.
I hope what I shared will help you to raise your confidence that even when you are not around, your kids have the real strength that allows them to speak up when someone is unkind and know that no matter what happens, they have loving parents who will support them not by being okay with them doing bad things, but by guiding them based on your values. Let’s be honest, our kids are growing up in a different world than we did.
There’s more pressure, more screens, more comparisons. Have you ever noticed that? What our nine-year-olds learn at school nowadays is probably something we learned when we were twelve or so. They have so much pressure to do and achieve more. Sadly, the fast-growing technology, those VR things, and so much more attractive than some simple outdoor games that I used to do growing up.
Do you have worries about why your child is scared to speak up? Why do they shut down when someone teases them? Why do they say, “I cannot,” before even trying? You are not a bad mom. The fact that you are seeing this video is that you are aware and want to do what’s best you can for them. Our kids need a little help building their inside muscles.
What’s happening is that when kids don’t feel safe to fail, they shrink. When they are overprotected or praised too much, they can develop a fear of not being perfect. When love feels conditional, like it only comes when they succeed, they start believing, “If I don’t win, I’m not enough.” Once a little kid believes this, they will carry the same belief throughout their adulthood until they are aware and willing to change their beliefs.
I have helped many adults stuck in their marriage and feeling empty because they felt that they had to perform more and sacrifice to make their spouse happy. Husband works more, arrives home exhausted, wishing to feel warm, but is welcomed by complaining and nagging from the lonely wife, who feels that the husband loves his work more than the family.
All these issues came from childhood. Let’s do better than the previous generation. First, as always, I want to remind you that to build the foundation based on loving kindness is the best way. It’s not easy, but it is the best. This practice of loving the bully is not easy, especially when they hurt your kids, but I hope Patrick’s story will open your heart to see the children from a different perspective.
The very first experience of bullying happened when Patrick was around three years old. We went to the playground, and there was a moment when I left him alone because I wanted to take his water bottle. When I came back, I saw him running and playing slide with a new friend, which I was thinking it was a great thing. Suddenly, he screamed, cried, and ran towards me. Both of his cheeks were bleeding from the scratch, and it turned out that it was from the fingernails of the new friend.
Guiding Children In Dealing With Bullying
What I did was hug him, of course, the very first thing, and I took him to the bathroom to wash his face. Luckily, back then, I always had the betadine ready in my baby bag. Patrick always ran here and there when he was small, so it was wise to have it ready. I hope that day was the awakening day for the boy’s parents as well as it was for me. When the boy’s parents saw what happened, they took the boy to the playground corner.
By the time I went back from the bathroom with Patrick, we saw his father holding the boy while mom had taken the fork and stabbed the boy’s hands with it. The boy was screaming in pain. I couldn’t believe what I saw. I went closer and they looked at me like nervously and said, “Sorry, we are leaving.” “We will punish him for what he did to your son. Please don’t call the police.”
I then say, “No, stop it. Don’t hurt your son. My son is fine.” He was surprised, and “I know why your son did that? Does he have autism?” His mom looked at me with really surprised eyes and she said, “Sorry.” I said, “No, you don’t have to say sorry. Do you have the right knowledge of raising an autistic kid?”
As parents, our job isn't just to protect; it's also to prepare. Share on XShe said she went to some seminars, but she felt tired. I shared some of the knowledge that I had taken during my holistic health code certification learning back then, and advised her to learn how to handle her son better, including the food, how to calm him down, and how to understand and love him.
That day was a day that I will always remember. To this day, Patrick remembers that day as well. What I was so proud of was that I could stay calm to face it. Instead of judging and punishing the boy, I chose to share the love and the knowledge. I was showing Patrick how to handle the situation calmly.
Even when my heart was beating so fast, when I saw the blood on his cheeks, I managed to calm myself down because I hugged him, giving me the safe feeling first before assuring him that he is safe. When I shared my opinion on what makes the boy behave that way, that it wasn’t you, Patrick, it was the reaction of the boy after what happened. After the food that he ate, the euphoria of being inside the colorful, many moving objects inside the playground.
It was not the knowledge of the parents on how to handle their autistic child. What makes that happen? Please, if any of you have the same experience, maybe you have that so-called, special needs kids. Please don’t hurt them, but try to treat them with your loving hearts. I don’t believe in this kind of special needs, as looking at it as a negative thing, because everyone is special.
Even when society calls some special needs, we all need special attention. If you believe in God, God created us equally with love. We are raising the future together, and the world needs more kindness. With this story, I reminded myself of how important it is to keep growing my awareness and learning many things. Patrick’s second experience was when he was in Primary 1 and some friends told him to get the iPhone 11 Pro, which was the newest model by that time, or they would not be friends anymore.
They put him on his knees and made him beg to be their friend, but he stood up and said, “No, I don’t want to be your friend.” When we picked him up from the school, he was quiet. He was like, usually he sang, he said, about like, what did he do in school? Suddenly, he was just quiet, sat down, like in the back of the car. We knew something was wrong. After we arrived home, how school was question turned into a cry of confusion. We shared our opinions about what a good friend is.
I was so proud of him. He could stand up for himself, and he had a great lesson about friendship. Handling bullies can vary depending on the situation and age. Giving guidance on the difference between being kind and being stupid is not easy. These two sometimes got mixed. Being kind doesn’t mean letting the bullies keep bullying, but knowing what to do, how to respond, and how to stand up for themselves so they can be confident that wherever they go, they are safe.
No one can hurt them. They don’t let it happen. Confidence isn’t about being the strongest kid in the room. It’s about having the courage to be themselves. It’s about knowing, even if I’m nervous, I try. It’s about knowing I make mistakes, but I’m still lovable. That’s the kind of confidence that lasts. The confidence is not built by lecturing them, but by how we show them daily, by how we talk to them, and let them try something new.
When your kids hear you speak with love to yourself, they learn how to do the same. Share on XHow we celebrate their efforts, small wins, and how we model being gentle with ourselves. From my learnings, I could share that sometimes the best thing to do is not taking things personally. When kids face a problem, let them try before it will rescue. As simple as if they spill the water, pause. Let them struggle for a minute.
You can guide them by saying, “Do you need tissue to dry?” Help only if they ask. I’ve seen many kids expressing anger for almost all the feelings they feel. They have no idea what they feel. To deal with this, remember, don’t rush to correct their feelings. Instead of saying, “Don’t be scared,” say, “It’s okay to feel scared. Let’s breathe together.” You may ask, “May I hug you?” Hug them only when they say yes.
Don’t take things personally again when they say no. Give them the space to process their feelings and emotions. How many moms come to me to fix their children, and before I see the kids, I love to learn about the parents. Parenting, parent thing. We are their role model. If we want our kids to be kind, model by being kind to ourselves. It’s not easy.
Teaching Kids Emotional Resilience and Self-Compassion
I know sometimes when we lose control, we just need to be gentle with ourselves and just let ourselves know like, “I lose control. It’s okay. I’m still learning. I’m processing.” Don’t punish yourself. When you make a mistake, you can say also like, “I forgot. I’m sorry. That’s okay, I’m learning.” When they hear you speak with love to yourself, they learn how to do the same. Remember also to complement their courage, the willingness to try, and to do their best, not just their results.
Instead of, “You’re so smart,” you can say, “I love how you kept trying even when it was hard.” I know how scary it feels to think your child might be picked on. Your little one might be too young to say the words, but you can feel some things off. Your daughter might come home moody, angry, and you’re not sure why. I want to leave you with this simple script for standing talk. If someone is unkind, teach them to stay calmly, “Please don’t talk to me like that,” or simply walk away with confidence, then make sure they know, “I will always listen. You’re never alone.”
Mamas, mothers, your love is already their safe place. Now it’s time to help them grow roots. Let them try. Let them stumble for a while, but let them always know that you are strong, you are loved, and I believe in you. This week, try to choose one moment each day to pause and say, “That was brave.” Even if it’s small, even if it’s quiet, because confidence is built in quiet moments. Right at home with you.
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