Trust is one of the hardest things to rebuild once it is broken – but it is never impossible. If we want to let people into our lives, we have to unpack why we put up emotional walls within ourselves.
In this episode, I discuss:
✔ Why trusting people feels so hard.
✔ Where this fear comes from.
✔ How to start opening up—without feeling weak or out of control.
If you have ever felt distant from others – even those closest to you – this conversation will help you take those small but powerful steps toward real connection.
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How Do I Open Up When I Don’t Trust People?
Why Trusting Others Feels So Difficult
My love, this episode is one I wish someone had shared with me years ago. If you’ve ever struggled to trust, to let people in, to feel truly seen, this one’s for you. Let me ask you something. Do you ever feel like people don’t really know you? You have friends, you have a husband, you have people around you, but deep down, you don’t fully trust them.
You don’t share what’s really on your mind. You don’t let them in because what’s the point? Maybe you’ve been hurt before. Maybe you’ve learned early on that letting people in gives them the power to disappoint you. Now, you keep your guard up. You smile, you make jokes, you talk about work, about the kids, about everything except what’s really in your heart because trusting people feels so risky.
If you let someone in, and how about if they leave you? That hurts. Instead, you want to feel safe. You stay distant, you keep things at the surface level, and you act like you don’t care. Here’s the problem. Even though you don’t let people in, you still feel alone. That loneliness, that pain you feel when you are surrounded by people, but you don’t feel close to anyone, that’s not just in your head. It’s real.
In this episode, we are going to talk about it. Why is it so hard to trust? Why do you keep your guard up even when you don’t want to? Why do you smile and say, “I’m fine,” when deep down, you are not? I want to tell you the truth. It’s not because you are cold, it’s not because you don’t want love, and it’s definitely not because you are incapable of connection. It’s just because, at some point in your life, being open didn’t feel safe.
Maybe someone betrayed you, maybe someone let you down, maybe your love used to feel secure until one day it wasn’t anymore. Your brain did what it had to do to protect you. It said, “If love means pain, then I want love. If trust means disappointment, then I want trust.” Just like that, a wall went up. Here’s the problem with the walls. They don’t just keep the pain out. They also keep love out. They keep warmth out. They keep the connection you crave out. That’s why you feel stuck. It’s because you want to feel love. You want to feel connected, feel close. You want to let your guard down, but something inside you won’t let you.
Remind yourself that you are not broken. You are not unlovable. You’ve just been protecting yourself the only way you knew how. I want to show you a different way. I want you to know how to start trusting without losing control. If you’re used to keeping your guard up, how do you start letting people in? How do you open up without feeling exposed? Here’s what I did along the journey, and I want you to know as well.
You do not want love and its affinity not because you are incapable of connection. It is because at some point in your life, you did not feel safe, got betrayed, or were let down. Share on XTrust isn’t all or nothing. It’s not either I trust completely or I trust no one at all. That’s not how trust works. Trust is built in the small, in everyday moments. I want to give you three ways to start building it without feeling weak or out of control. The very first thing I want you to start with is low-risk trust. Many people think that trust is about big moments, perhaps pushing you to say, “I love you,” maybe sharing your deepest secrets or jumping into the deep end of vulnerability.
That’s not where trust begins. Trust starts more. I don’t want you to push yourself, do too big things, and, in the end, just shut down again. I want you to start doing small things and then build it one at a time. It starts with letting someone see one tiny piece of the real you. For example, instead of sharing your whole life story, just share one feeling. Instead of pretending you are fine, maybe you want to say something like, “Today was a hard day.”
How To Recognize Who Is Truly Safe
Instead of laughing out of a hurtful comment, you can say, “That hurt my feelings.” That’s the first one. One small moment of honesty can help you to build trust. If that person responds with kindness, if they listen, if they don’t use it against you, then maybe they can be trusted with a little more. The second thing that I want you to try is to pay attention to who feels safe. Who you feel safe to be with and share your feelings with is someone with whom you want to try to build trust first. Not everyone deserves your trust. Not everyone is safe. Part of learning to trust is learning who’s worthy of it. Start paying attention to how people make you feel. When you are around them, do you feel safe or anxious? Do you feel seen or judged?
The hardest part in trust is not about trusting other people but also yourself. Share on XDo you feel respected? Maybe you feel controlled? The right people will never make you feel small for being real. When you find those people, feel free to trust, to let them in. I want you to try the third one, which is trusting someone doesn’t mean you can’t walk away. I want you to believe in this. A lot of women don’t trust because they’re scared of getting stuck. They might think, “If I open up and they hurt me, I’ll be trapped. If I let someone in, I’ll lose control.”
I want you to know this. Trusting someone doesn’t mean you give away your power. Trusting someone doesn’t mean you can’t walk away. If they prove to you that they are trustworthy, then of course you can stay. If they prove to you that they are untrustworthy, feel free. You can always walk away. You have to know that you are always in control of who gets access to you. This is what healthy boundaries mean. Let people in. If they break your trust, you get to decide what happens next. The hardest part is to trust yourself because this isn’t just about trusting other people. It’s about trusting yourself.
A lot of women who struggle with trust aren’t just afraid of being hurt. They’re afraid of being stupid. They think, “If I trust the wrong person, what if I open up and get played? What if I look weak?” Being open is not weak. It’s brave. Your ability to trust again, that’s not a flaw. That’s strength. From this moment forward, I want you to start telling yourself, “I am strong enough to open up.”
The Next Steps To Build Trust Safely
“I am wise enough to know who’s safe and who’s not. I’m worthy of real love,” because you are, and I want to give you the next step. Before I leave you again, as usual, practice one small act of trust. Something simple, something safe. When you are ready for more, let’s take this journey together. You deserve to feel safe, you deserve to be loved, and you don’t have to do it alone. Until then, I’ll see you in the next episode.
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