You want to love yourself. But every time you try, that inner voice jumps in: You’re not good enough. You need to be better. You’ll love yourself when…
Sound familiar?
Here’s the truth: that voice? You weren’t born with it. You were taught to believe it. But just because you learned it doesn’t mean you have to keep living by it.
In this episode, I break down:
- The three biggest lies that keep you stuck in self-criticism
- Why self-love isn’t selfish—it’s essential
- How my client lost 22 pounds without extreme dieting, just by changing her mindset
- A simple 3-step practice to start talking to yourself with kindness
- How to rewire your brain so self-love becomes your new normal
This isn’t about “just thinking positive.” It’s about unlearning the beliefs that keep you stuck in self-doubt and finally seeing yourself with the kindness you deserve.
So here’s your challenge: For the next week, do ONE nice thing for yourself each morning. At night, write down ONE good thing about yourself. Let’s see how it changes the way you feel.
Listen now, and tell me—what’s one thing you can start appreciating about yourself today?
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Start Loving Yourself: Breaking Free From Self-Criticism
Overcoming Self-Criticism And Learning Self-Love
Let’s talk about loving yourself if and when you’ve been super hard on yourself for a long time. It’s not easy, but we can do it together. If you are so critical of yourself, always mad, always angry, it’s not your fault. That rude and mean voice in your head didn’t come with you when you were born. You learn it from other people and things that happen in your surroundings.
The world keeps telling you that you have to be better to be loved and it’s not true. The truth is, our brains are good at finding problems to fix. If you learn that you have more to get love for when you were little, your brain starts looking for everything wrong with you, but here’s the thing, you can’t make yourself better by being mean to yourself. It doesn’t work that way. If you’ve been stuck feeling bad about yourself for a long time, it’s time to try something new and it starts with a one small but powerful change.
Before we get to the fun, juicy stuff, let’s check out some big lies that keep you feeling bad about yourself. The lie number one, “I love myself when I’m better. When I lose weight, have nicer skin, or achieve something that will make me proud. I will love myself more. When I make my parents or my loved ones proud, then I will love myself more.” No.
If you keep waiting to love yourself until you do something amazing, you’ll never feel like you deserve it. The truth is, you can start loving yourself just as you are. I had a client who came to me when she was 209 pounds, so around 94 kg, and she hated her body. She had been to the gym, training every day, and tried many types of diets, including eating only cabbage and even doing a water-only diet. She criticized how big and fluffy her upper arms were and hated her belly and thighs. She was constantly judging herself.
She went through the same practice I’m sharing with you. Once she started applying it, falling in love with herself, accepting and adoring her body as it was, she began to lose weight naturally. She was eating properly and doing the same exercise, but by the end of the month, like month 3 or so, she hit her first milestone, losing 22 pounds, around 10 kg. Nothing had changed except one thing. She was no longer punishing herself. She was exercising because she loved herself.
Let’s see the lie number two, “Loving myself means I’m selfish.” A big no. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you ignore others or think you are better than everyone. It’s about being kind to yourself as you are. It’s like you are being so kind to your best friend. That’s how you want to be kind to yourself. Even better than that, it’s about fulfilling your core needs based on your values and having healthy boundaries. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for love from other people, from the external world. You’ll forever feel miserable because there’s no one in this world who can love you more than you can love yourself.
Loving yourself doesn't mean ignoring others or thinking you are better than everyone. It's about being kind to yourself. Share on XRewiring Your Thoughts To Be Kinder
Let’s see the lie number three. “If I stop being hard on myself, I will get lazy.” Wrong again. Being mean to yourself might work for a little while, but over time, it makes you feel bad and exhausted. The truth is when you are kind to yourself, you feel more motivated to do things and grow. How to start loving yourself now that we clear up those lies and let’s talk about how to start loving yourself? Step one, change the way you talk to yourself.
Yes, those words in your head, the things you tell yourself when no one else is around. When you catch yourself thinking something rude or mean to yourself, ask yourself, “Would I say this to my best friend?” If not, try something kinder to yourself. For example, instead of, “I’m not good at this,” you can say, “I’m still learning and progressing.” Step two, do something nice for yourself every day. Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s something you do.
If someone compliments you, don’t brush it off. Take a deep breath, accept it, and say “thank you.” You deserve love, too. Share on XEvery morning, try one small thing to show yourself the love. You can look in the mirror, smile at yourself the brightest smile to yourself and maybe even playfully using your eyes, using your body language. Say, “Hello, beautiful,” something that makes you feel happy. If that feels too weird, simply put your hand on your heart. Take three deep, slow breaths and feel the calmness then write down one thing you love about yourself. Start with one and build your list over time.
If you can’t think of anything, here’s a little trick. I always ask people, “Can you see me now? Am I in black or white or in color?” If you answer in color, that means you love your eyes, and guess what? That’s one thing to write down. Step three, open your heart to let love in. Love is all around you. It’s not the same as desire. You can love someone without desiring them.
The love you’re looking for is already inside you. You’ve always deserved love—no matter what anyone else has said. Share on XYour Weekly Challenge To Practice Self-Love
Practice opening your heart by learning to receive. When someone says something nice about you, don’t brush it off or say, “It’s nothing.” Instead, take a deep breath and say thank you. That shows how you start to believe you deserve love. Your weekly challenge, if I may, do one nice thing for yourself every morning. Every night, write down one good thing about yourself. When that mean voice in your head shows up, don’t fight with it. Just observe it.
Thank your mind for reminding you how you used to thank yourself and then say something kinder. Remember, the love you are looking for is already inside you. You’ve always deserved the love, no matter what anyone else has said. If you forget to practice and catch yourself in negative self-talk again, be kind to yourself. Have fun with it. Say, “I forget again,” and then choose to say something nicer.
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